Joseph Gerth|Courier Journal
Our state pension systems have$40 billion less than they need. Kentuckyis expected to have a $200 million shortfall this year in its general fund. And there's no plan to fix either of these problems other than cut, cut, cut.
At some point, we have to come to grips with the fact that Kentucky just isn't working.
We had a pretty good run of it — especially back in the 1800s and first half of the 1900s when we could lay claim to a couple of presidents, vice presidents, a House Speaker and a booming metropolis —but it's time to face the fact that the state is broken. Busted. Kaput.
Gov. Matt Bevin must do what any good businessman would do in a situation like this: file for bankruptcy and hold a fire sale.
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It's clear that Kentucky's leaders aren't going to raise taxes or legalize gambling or marijuana, which could help raise desperately needed revenue. And they're unlikely to do away with the ridiculous number of tax exemptions that have harmed the state's bottom line.
Even when the state's leaders talk about tax reform, they're quick to point out that it will be "revenue neutral." That's Latin for "We don't have the guts to do what needs to be done."
Bevin called for slashing budgets by 17 percent on Friday to deal with the projected $200 million shortfall.
The only thing left to do is sell it.
Sell it all.
We're not just talking about getting rid of vehicles and buildings. No, sir.
We've got 120 counties— many of them named aftermediocre governors— and some of them have got to have some value.
No one has ever been to Robertson County. Nobody. Sell it.
People who live in the counties around Cincinnati don't even talk like the rest of us. They're gone.And if the folks in Ohio aresmart, they pony up big bucks for Boone, Campbell and Kenton.
Building your airport in the Northern Kentucky suburbs doesn't seem like such a great idea now, does it, Buckeyes?
I live in Oldham County. It seems like a perfect acquisition for the British Virgin Islands.
Why?
Are you kidding me?I just want to live in the BVIs.
Louisville's got to go too, not that the rest of the state would care. ("It's full of damn liberals," they'll likely say.)
And why wouldn't it fetch some pretty good jack, what with things like Churchill Downs and the food scene? The Brits might be interested in buying it for the restaurants alone.
Have you ever tasted British cooking?
The colleges are gone, too.
Certainly, a state like Alabama would be interested in the University of Kentucky. Sure, Alabamacan field good football teams, but itsbasketball sucks.
U of L? There's plenty of empty land in Nevada where folks wouldn't have batted an eye about the Katina Powell affair or theUniversity of Louisville Foundation gambling with investment dollars.
(Psst — there's also a $30 million Rodin statue on U of L's campus.)
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This is also a perfect chance to solve our Confederate monument problem.
Don't like 'em? Sell 'em.
The Jefferson Davis statue in the state Capitol?
Somebody in Mississippi, where Davis actually lived,must want it. Just send us a U-Haul and $20,000 cash on the barrelheadand it's yours.
If that interests you, you might want tolook atthe Jefferson Davis Monument in Fairview as well. At 351 feet, it's the fifth-tallest monument in the country.
They built it nearly 100 years ago at a cost of about $2.9 million, adjusted for inflation.
But hey, this is a fire sale. You can have it for $2 million. And go ahead and take Todd County with it.
We've got enough Confederate monuments to populate every state.
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But don't even try sending Lexington's John C. Breckinridge statue to Breckenridge, Colorado. (True story: The town was named Breckinridge, after the Lexington native who was the youngest vice president in U.S. history. But townspeople changed the spelling after he joined the Confederacy. They knew a traitor when they saw one.)
We could create bidding wars between states that just need a few more voters to qualify for additional U.S. House seats.
The more I think about this, the more I like it.
We've got lakes.
And bourbon.
And horses.
Ocala, Florida, claims to be the horse capital of the world. If the city bought Fayette County, its claim would have some merit.
This is the perfect time to deal with the Ohio River situation, too.
What situation? You ask.
The river is in Kentucky. It's named after Ohio.
I'm looking at you again, Buckeyes. Either buy it from us or pay for naming rights.
Or we'll sell it to Californiawherethere's always a water shortage.
OK. This may not be the perfect solutionto Kentucky's financial problems. But it'sat least as good as anything that's been proposedin Frankfort.
Joseph Gerth's column runs on most Sundays and at various times throughout the week. He can be reached at 502-582-4702 or by email at jgerth@courier-journal.com.
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